If it makes you feel any better . . .

. . . I'm doing great.

Ok, that's not entirely true. The point is usually when you hear that phrase it's followed by bad news.

Why?

Why would any friend or family member be made to feel better by hearing how bad their loved one is doing? Am I really expected to feel better knowing you are having a crumby time too? If you really want to make me feel better, tell me how well you are doing. Tell me something, happy news.

If you want to make me feel better tell me how great your day is going.

If you are trying to lend me perspective I appreciate the effort. Truly I do. But relating your bad news as though life were a competition to have the worse day isn't really going to make me say to myself 'Gee, life ain't so bad after all.'

If you want to lend me perspective show me life is beautiful. Show me the trials and tribulations are knowledge and experience in embryo. Show me how small they are compared to the good things. Show me that no matter what, I still got you.

This is not how empathy works. To effectively empathize one must put themselves in the position of another. This works even better if one has similar personal experiences. Empathy is not a contest of who has it worse.

If I relate a personal tragedy in my life, great or small, and you want to empathize try relating a similar personal experience and how you survived and were a better person for it.

I will never derive joy from the suffering of a friend.

Life will not always be persimmons, but let us bear the difficult times together, lifting one another up.